Eyes Wide Open

She lays on the floor && dreams with her eyes wide open because with them closed she can see her past && all the things he did to make her laugh. && she refuses to blink, she refuses to think of what they coulda had, she prefers to reminisce on the shit he did that would make her mad.  But it's far from easy. && these new niggas running her lines like "baby believe me" her vision is disoriented, they all seem so cheesy. They fake like they're interested but disappear weekly.  && she not really for the games, && they're really all the same, she not tryna hear these lames, she just tryna escape the pain. Find something realer than anything she's ever had before, something that'll make her bolt her past behind a steel door. && she swore to love that she was ready years ago, love looked at her with a slight smirk && laughed like "what the Fuck do you know?" So she lies there, eyes focused on the ceiling, forcing herself to be stronger than her feelings. She's not a damsel in distress but gah damn she needs some healing.

Until Fingers Meet Keys:

I Want to Fall

I want to fall so deep that it envelopes all of me from head to toe, not an inch, not a centimeter of me left uncovered. I want to fall so hard that it leaves me scarred, permanently, I don't want to ever get rid of the proof that I've fallen. I want people to look at me and see what has happened to me. I want to inspire others to fall. When I fall I want to fall forever, a never ending fall that is so blissful that I can't help but start my fall all over again. I want to fall into eyes that can see my soul, into a soul that can touch my heart, into a heart that beats for my life, into a life that cherishes my fall. I want to fall a fall that never fails, that never tarnishes, that never breaks. I want to fall knowing that the one I'm falling for is falling too. Even though my passion is to fall long and hard, I know that it will be pain free, a fall that is only meant for me. No one will ever be able to fall the way that I've fallen, it won't measure up, it won't feel the same, the effects of the fall won't set them free. I want to fall in rhythm, to a melody, to a tone, to a beat that matches the one of his heart. I want to fall rapidly, slowly, obliviously, and knowingly. With the passion of a painter who has spotted the perfect muse, the excitement of an artist who just got airplay, the joy of a writer who has just been published. I want the fall to swallow me whole like his oversized sweatshirt, drench me like running in the rain hand in hand without an umbrella, capture me like a snapshot of him kissing me deeply with no remorse. I want the fall to lead to a door that is him, and reveal all that is me. I want to fall... in love.

Until Fingers Meet Keys:

Untitled

&& if I let it, you would be the very death of me. Taking every single breath from me, squeezing me, teasing me as the tears roll down my face && wiping them away before they reach my chin. Holding me close when I lay my head on your chest as you mock me within, fighting back your urge to grin. Whispering in my ear "smile, because everything is gonna be okay" as you proceed to sharpen the knife you'll use to stab me w/ the very next day. && oh silly me, I fall in love w/ the beautiful lies you tell, for my backbone has become so frail that even the smallest ounce of truth can crush every part of me. Throw your darts at me, && pull them out tenderly, promise that you'll never hinder me as you chain me to the gates of hell. Remind me that you'll never let me go as you set me off to sail. It's not the dark that I'm afraid, but what's visible in the light, our issues go unnoticed when the day turns to night. && even then peaceful moments turn into fights. && yet this is what I live for, the times where you reach out for my hands && slam my fingers in the door. Screaming at the top of your lungs that you love me, but proving w/ your actions that you hate me more. It's amazing that I can live like this, wrapped up in such a hideous bliss, refusing to let go, refusing to accept all that I know. Sweet love you can be so bitter, very much so an acquired taste, tell me that if I give up now it wouldn't make me a quitter, because my heart is growing tired running in this race. Tell me that if I leave today, tomorrow you'll still remember my face. && if I stay, show me that all my love isn't going to waste. && this is what I dream for, reality speaks blaspheme && loneliness chases after me. In my dreams I can live out my fantasy, pretend as though everything you say is true, looking at gray skies but seeing them blue, laughing at the world because I'm the only thing that matters to you. Oh the agony of waking up, the stress it causes to believe you're moving forward but realize you've been doing nothing but backing up. Were we ever suppose to make it this far ? When did we stop wishing on shooting stars ? && when did you let go of my hand ? && Why didn't you tell me that this is how we would end ?

Until Fingers Meet Keys:

Dear Future Lover

In your eyes is where I hope to find my forever, I hope to be the weight that decides our forever. I hope to be the chains that bind us together. I don’t want our love to be superficial, I honestly hope you’re a poet of some sort. I hope that when we speak it’s like a jigsaw’s worth of words spilling from the ink of our minds into the precious ears of time, telling it “you’ll never come between us.”

I hope together we’re able to create, to build, to generate a love so regnant, it disconnects power lines standing between the normal establishments of such a thing. forcing them to redefine, rework and reroute their ideals, their love, and it’s overall meaning.

I hope together we inspire the younger generations, to take the steps we took, or to create something better. I want to be your art, your sculptor, your scalpel, your structure. The words from your tongue, the thoughts locked within the cells of your mind.

I hope you aren’t afraid of obstacles, challenges, tour buses, late night skyping, a.m fighting, then making up with rationality. I hope you aren’t afraid of taking chances, losing friends, missing out, and giving in. I hope you can handle my attitude, determination, awkwardness, kindness. I hope to see the best of all that you are, the worst, and their medians. I’m not afraid, nor will I ever be.

This time, I want it all. I’m showing you all the cards, giving you all my heart. This time, I’ll take the chance. I can be all you need, this time it’s all in me.

Lying alone in this room, all that I’m missing is you.

I hope our two lost souls soon connect, til then i’ll be bettering myself for no other cause but you.

Until Fingers Meet Keys:

Fall for your type (Angel Haze)

You are an ocean's breeze, I am the tidal wave.
You're every paragraph, I'm just the title page.
You have the heart I hold exactly where you desire it.
It's all so effortless like what you did to acquire it.
Each time I find it harder, just to keep my composure.
I'm tryna show you all of me, like indecent exposure.
Look... I'll be the gun, you be my holster.
I need your love, I need you closer.
Seems like forever when only an hour has past.
We falling slower than grains of salt in an hour glass.
Emotions running wild, you are who tames them.
My only means of tranquility, you are my sanctum !

&& if I could, I'd take your eyes && make them blend in w/ the stars so that whenever we're not together I'll still see them from afar.
But that's insane, I'd do what ever just to feel you.
Even all of that don't come close to what I will do!
They say love holds the power to fufill you...
Heal you, kill you, hurt && abuse you, take you away from what your use to.
I'm trying to paint a picture, like the canvas plain.
Trying to put together the words like a scrabble game.

Look, I pour my heart out in the effort just to win you.
I modify my actions soley so they won't offend you.
I mean I would wrestle time even if it'd get rewinded.
Everything you looking for, in me is where you'll find it.
So you can stop your searchin baby, I know you're hurting baby.
Your self-esteem so low sometimes that you feel worthless baby.
Okay you hide it well, but you know I can tell.
I see right through that bullshit that you be trying to sell.
So let it drop, let it fall, let it blow with the wind.
I told you once, I told you twice, && Imma tell you once again...
that I'll be here, yeah I'll be here.
&& if love is blind, then my mental is clear.
&& all we have is time && good intentions, fuck your breaks, fuck your suspicions .
Put your foot upon that gas && drive til you dont see your past.
Yeah, drive until your vision is blurred.
&& let my voice tell our story... SPOKEN WORD !

Fuck em, let em hate, we're where they never was.
&& fucking Shakespeare couldn't have wrote a better love.
But people tell me that I'm tripping when I say your different.
&& when they ask me how, I cant provide a description
... You don't need one...
I would disconnect them all, like a broken joint.
Just to prove I only see you like a focal point.
I know that the distances, might cause some complications.
But you make me feel good, fucked up, exonerated.
Still I wonder what you're like beneath the shackles that you're wearing.
I been longing to release you from a load thats overbearing.
Tell me, are you protected by your gaurd boo ?
Or could I blow && make it fall like cards do ?
&& I ain't interested til it involves you.
You got your doors locked, && I just saw through.
Have you reached the height of loneliness ? Cuz we all do !
But everything that goes up gotta fall too !

My first time, falling for your type. =)

Until Fingers Meet Keys: