Until Fingers Meet Keys:
Luxe Not Lust - Sponsored Post
15 years ago
20130419
Eyes Wide Open
She lays on the floor && dreams with her eyes wide open because with them closed she can see her past && all the things he did to make her laugh. && she refuses to blink, she refuses to think of what they coulda had, she prefers to reminisce on the shit he did that would make her mad. But it's far from easy. && these new niggas running her lines like "baby believe me" her vision is disoriented, they all seem so cheesy. They fake like they're interested but disappear weekly. && she not really for the games, && they're really all the same, she not tryna hear these lames, she just tryna escape the pain. Find something realer than anything she's ever had before, something that'll make her bolt her past behind a steel door. && she swore to love that she was ready years ago, love looked at her with a slight smirk && laughed like "what the Fuck do you know?" So she lies there, eyes focused on the ceiling, forcing herself to be stronger than her feelings. She's not a damsel in distress but gah damn she needs some healing.
20120628
I Want to Fall
I want to fall so deep that it envelopes all of me from head to toe, not an inch, not a centimeter of me left uncovered. I want to fall so hard that it leaves me scarred, permanently, I don't want to ever get rid of the proof that I've fallen. I want people to look at me and see what has happened to me. I want to inspire others to fall. When I fall I want to fall forever, a never ending fall that is so blissful that I can't help but start my fall all over again. I want to fall into eyes that can see my soul, into a soul that can touch my heart, into a heart that beats for my life, into a life that cherishes my fall. I want to fall a fall that never fails, that never tarnishes, that never breaks. I want to fall knowing that the one I'm falling for is falling too. Even though my passion is to fall long and hard, I know that it will be pain free, a fall that is only meant for me. No one will ever be able to fall the way that I've fallen, it won't measure up, it won't feel the same, the effects of the fall won't set them free. I want to fall in rhythm, to a melody, to a tone, to a beat that matches the one of his heart. I want to fall rapidly, slowly, obliviously, and knowingly. With the passion of a painter who has spotted the perfect muse, the excitement of an artist who just got airplay, the joy of a writer who has just been published. I want the fall to swallow me whole like his oversized sweatshirt, drench me like running in the rain hand in hand without an umbrella, capture me like a snapshot of him kissing me deeply with no remorse. I want the fall to lead to a door that is him, and reveal all that is me. I want to fall... in love.
Until Fingers Meet Keys:
20120413
Untitled
&& if I let it, you would be the very death of me. Taking every single breath from me, squeezing me, teasing me as the tears roll down my face && wiping them away before they reach my chin. Holding me close when I lay my head on your chest as you mock me within, fighting back your urge to grin. Whispering in my ear "smile, because everything is gonna be okay" as you proceed to sharpen the knife you'll use to stab me w/ the very next day. && oh silly me, I fall in love w/ the beautiful lies you tell, for my backbone has become so frail that even the smallest ounce of truth can crush every part of me. Throw your darts at me, && pull them out tenderly, promise that you'll never hinder me as you chain me to the gates of hell. Remind me that you'll never let me go as you set me off to sail. It's not the dark that I'm afraid, but what's visible in the light, our issues go unnoticed when the day turns to night. && even then peaceful moments turn into fights. && yet this is what I live for, the times where you reach out for my hands && slam my fingers in the door. Screaming at the top of your lungs that you love me, but proving w/ your actions that you hate me more. It's amazing that I can live like this, wrapped up in such a hideous bliss, refusing to let go, refusing to accept all that I know. Sweet love you can be so bitter, very much so an acquired taste, tell me that if I give up now it wouldn't make me a quitter, because my heart is growing tired running in this race. Tell me that if I leave today, tomorrow you'll still remember my face. && if I stay, show me that all my love isn't going to waste. && this is what I dream for, reality speaks blaspheme && loneliness chases after me. In my dreams I can live out my fantasy, pretend as though everything you say is true, looking at gray skies but seeing them blue, laughing at the world because I'm the only thing that matters to you. Oh the agony of waking up, the stress it causes to believe you're moving forward but realize you've been doing nothing but backing up. Were we ever suppose to make it this far ? When did we stop wishing on shooting stars ? && when did you let go of my hand ? && Why didn't you tell me that this is how we would end ?
Until Fingers Meet Keys:
20110803
Dear Future Lover
In your eyes is where I hope to find my forever, I hope to be the weight that decides our forever. I hope to be the chains that bind us together. I don’t want our love to be superficial, I honestly hope you’re a poet of some sort. I hope that when we speak it’s like a jigsaw’s worth of words spilling from the ink of our minds into the precious ears of time, telling it “you’ll never come between us.”
I hope together we’re able to create, to build, to generate a love so regnant, it disconnects power lines standing between the normal establishments of such a thing. forcing them to redefine, rework and reroute their ideals, their love, and it’s overall meaning.
I hope together we inspire the younger generations, to take the steps we took, or to create something better. I want to be your art, your sculptor, your scalpel, your structure. The words from your tongue, the thoughts locked within the cells of your mind.
I hope you aren’t afraid of obstacles, challenges, tour buses, late night skyping, a.m fighting, then making up with rationality. I hope you aren’t afraid of taking chances, losing friends, missing out, and giving in. I hope you can handle my attitude, determination, awkwardness, kindness. I hope to see the best of all that you are, the worst, and their medians. I’m not afraid, nor will I ever be.
This time, I want it all. I’m showing you all the cards, giving you all my heart. This time, I’ll take the chance. I can be all you need, this time it’s all in me.
Lying alone in this room, all that I’m missing is you.
I hope our two lost souls soon connect, til then i’ll be bettering myself for no other cause but you.
I hope together we’re able to create, to build, to generate a love so regnant, it disconnects power lines standing between the normal establishments of such a thing. forcing them to redefine, rework and reroute their ideals, their love, and it’s overall meaning.
I hope together we inspire the younger generations, to take the steps we took, or to create something better. I want to be your art, your sculptor, your scalpel, your structure. The words from your tongue, the thoughts locked within the cells of your mind.
I hope you aren’t afraid of obstacles, challenges, tour buses, late night skyping, a.m fighting, then making up with rationality. I hope you aren’t afraid of taking chances, losing friends, missing out, and giving in. I hope you can handle my attitude, determination, awkwardness, kindness. I hope to see the best of all that you are, the worst, and their medians. I’m not afraid, nor will I ever be.
This time, I want it all. I’m showing you all the cards, giving you all my heart. This time, I’ll take the chance. I can be all you need, this time it’s all in me.
Lying alone in this room, all that I’m missing is you.
I hope our two lost souls soon connect, til then i’ll be bettering myself for no other cause but you.
Until Fingers Meet Keys:
20110521
Fall for your type (Angel Haze)
You are an ocean's breeze, I am the tidal wave.
You're every paragraph, I'm just the title page.
You have the heart I hold exactly where you desire it.
It's all so effortless like what you did to acquire it.
Each time I find it harder, just to keep my composure.
I'm tryna show you all of me, like indecent exposure.
Look... I'll be the gun, you be my holster.
I need your love, I need you closer.
Seems like forever when only an hour has past.
We falling slower than grains of salt in an hour glass.
Emotions running wild, you are who tames them.
My only means of tranquility, you are my sanctum !
&& if I could, I'd take your eyes && make them blend in w/ the stars so that whenever we're not together I'll still see them from afar.
But that's insane, I'd do what ever just to feel you.
Even all of that don't come close to what I will do!
They say love holds the power to fufill you...
Heal you, kill you, hurt && abuse you, take you away from what your use to.
I'm trying to paint a picture, like the canvas plain.
Trying to put together the words like a scrabble game.
Look, I pour my heart out in the effort just to win you.
I modify my actions soley so they won't offend you.
I mean I would wrestle time even if it'd get rewinded.
Everything you looking for, in me is where you'll find it.
So you can stop your searchin baby, I know you're hurting baby.
Your self-esteem so low sometimes that you feel worthless baby.
Okay you hide it well, but you know I can tell.
I see right through that bullshit that you be trying to sell.
So let it drop, let it fall, let it blow with the wind.
I told you once, I told you twice, && Imma tell you once again...
that I'll be here, yeah I'll be here.
&& if love is blind, then my mental is clear.
&& all we have is time && good intentions, fuck your breaks, fuck your suspicions .
Put your foot upon that gas && drive til you dont see your past.
Yeah, drive until your vision is blurred.
&& let my voice tell our story... SPOKEN WORD !
Fuck em, let em hate, we're where they never was.
&& fucking Shakespeare couldn't have wrote a better love.
But people tell me that I'm tripping when I say your different.
&& when they ask me how, I cant provide a description
... You don't need one...
I would disconnect them all, like a broken joint.
Just to prove I only see you like a focal point.
I know that the distances, might cause some complications.
But you make me feel good, fucked up, exonerated.
Still I wonder what you're like beneath the shackles that you're wearing.
I been longing to release you from a load thats overbearing.
Tell me, are you protected by your gaurd boo ?
Or could I blow && make it fall like cards do ?
&& I ain't interested til it involves you.
You got your doors locked, && I just saw through.
Have you reached the height of loneliness ? Cuz we all do !
But everything that goes up gotta fall too !
My first time, falling for your type. =)
You're every paragraph, I'm just the title page.
You have the heart I hold exactly where you desire it.
It's all so effortless like what you did to acquire it.
Each time I find it harder, just to keep my composure.
I'm tryna show you all of me, like indecent exposure.
Look... I'll be the gun, you be my holster.
I need your love, I need you closer.
Seems like forever when only an hour has past.
We falling slower than grains of salt in an hour glass.
Emotions running wild, you are who tames them.
My only means of tranquility, you are my sanctum !
&& if I could, I'd take your eyes && make them blend in w/ the stars so that whenever we're not together I'll still see them from afar.
But that's insane, I'd do what ever just to feel you.
Even all of that don't come close to what I will do!
They say love holds the power to fufill you...
Heal you, kill you, hurt && abuse you, take you away from what your use to.
I'm trying to paint a picture, like the canvas plain.
Trying to put together the words like a scrabble game.
Look, I pour my heart out in the effort just to win you.
I modify my actions soley so they won't offend you.
I mean I would wrestle time even if it'd get rewinded.
Everything you looking for, in me is where you'll find it.
So you can stop your searchin baby, I know you're hurting baby.
Your self-esteem so low sometimes that you feel worthless baby.
Okay you hide it well, but you know I can tell.
I see right through that bullshit that you be trying to sell.
So let it drop, let it fall, let it blow with the wind.
I told you once, I told you twice, && Imma tell you once again...
that I'll be here, yeah I'll be here.
&& if love is blind, then my mental is clear.
&& all we have is time && good intentions, fuck your breaks, fuck your suspicions .
Put your foot upon that gas && drive til you dont see your past.
Yeah, drive until your vision is blurred.
&& let my voice tell our story... SPOKEN WORD !
Fuck em, let em hate, we're where they never was.
&& fucking Shakespeare couldn't have wrote a better love.
But people tell me that I'm tripping when I say your different.
&& when they ask me how, I cant provide a description
... You don't need one...
I would disconnect them all, like a broken joint.
Just to prove I only see you like a focal point.
I know that the distances, might cause some complications.
But you make me feel good, fucked up, exonerated.
Still I wonder what you're like beneath the shackles that you're wearing.
I been longing to release you from a load thats overbearing.
Tell me, are you protected by your gaurd boo ?
Or could I blow && make it fall like cards do ?
&& I ain't interested til it involves you.
You got your doors locked, && I just saw through.
Have you reached the height of loneliness ? Cuz we all do !
But everything that goes up gotta fall too !
My first time, falling for your type. =)
Until Fingers Meet Keys:
20110201
Access Granted...DENIED
A while ago I use to come home from school on the train,I would take the Los Angles Blue Line, then the Redondo Beach Green Line, and either the 710 or 210 (which ever came first). Everyday this guy would take the same two trains && the same bus. I thought he was cute, but I never said anything.
One day on my way home while waiting for the Blue Line I saw him and he looked bothered. I wanted to say something but this girl walked up to him who apparently knew him and they held a conversation all the way until our train reached the Green Line. While waiting for the Green Line Train his phone rang, he had got a call from someone that his grandfather had died. He was tore up, he even cried, I wanted to reach out and hug him but I thought that maybe it wasnt the right time (and a little weird since I didn't know him). My heart was banging on my chest to say something, do something. I just sat there. I never saw him again, at least not in person.
About two weeks later I was watching a show I recorded on DVR. Sometimes te shows last longer than they should so I always set it to keep recording for 3 mins after the show ends. As the show that I was watching went off the news was coming on, I was getting ready to change the channel when I saw the headline that a "young man" had been killed, they showed a picture, it was him.
Calling all hearts to the battle field! How many times would you be willing to put your heart on the line for the sake of love? It seems to me that the majority of guys will give it a shot once; however, if the female in question fails to catch their heart in time, they're done.
When it comes to me, I believe that you should put your all into giving your heart to someone. But what happens if you're giving your heart to someone and they don’t realize it? Or they don't feel the same way at all? Or say they weren't ready for it at that point in time? How long do you wait before you try again?
Then comes the time where you feel like you're so close yet so far away. Nobody wants to make the first move so you’re stuck at a standstill. Afraid to go first because of the possibility that the other person doesn't feel the same way. At the end of the day you close your eyes with a rapid herd of "What ifs" stampeding towards you.
You have to learn to take chances. In the blink of an eye they may be gone without you ever having the chance to tell them how you feel. My mom always told me if you feel as though you should do something for somebody or say something to them, jump at the chance, you never know how it may change their lives for the better.
P.S I Love You (alot)
One day on my way home while waiting for the Blue Line I saw him and he looked bothered. I wanted to say something but this girl walked up to him who apparently knew him and they held a conversation all the way until our train reached the Green Line. While waiting for the Green Line Train his phone rang, he had got a call from someone that his grandfather had died. He was tore up, he even cried, I wanted to reach out and hug him but I thought that maybe it wasnt the right time (and a little weird since I didn't know him). My heart was banging on my chest to say something, do something. I just sat there. I never saw him again, at least not in person.
About two weeks later I was watching a show I recorded on DVR. Sometimes te shows last longer than they should so I always set it to keep recording for 3 mins after the show ends. As the show that I was watching went off the news was coming on, I was getting ready to change the channel when I saw the headline that a "young man" had been killed, they showed a picture, it was him.
Calling all hearts to the battle field! How many times would you be willing to put your heart on the line for the sake of love? It seems to me that the majority of guys will give it a shot once; however, if the female in question fails to catch their heart in time, they're done.
When it comes to me, I believe that you should put your all into giving your heart to someone. But what happens if you're giving your heart to someone and they don’t realize it? Or they don't feel the same way at all? Or say they weren't ready for it at that point in time? How long do you wait before you try again?
Then comes the time where you feel like you're so close yet so far away. Nobody wants to make the first move so you’re stuck at a standstill. Afraid to go first because of the possibility that the other person doesn't feel the same way. At the end of the day you close your eyes with a rapid herd of "What ifs" stampeding towards you.
You have to learn to take chances. In the blink of an eye they may be gone without you ever having the chance to tell them how you feel. My mom always told me if you feel as though you should do something for somebody or say something to them, jump at the chance, you never know how it may change their lives for the better.
P.S I Love You (alot)
Until Fingers Meet Keys:
20101116
She's Gone ! (pt 2)
*Takes a deep breath && sighs*
They say yu never know what yu got til it's gone. Well baby, "I tried to told ya"/ My love for yu was deep, so I tried to stay strong. But, yu wouldn't let me hold yu/ && all those nights i longed for yu left me w. tears pouring lyke rain/ while i've moved on, the past is haunting yu, so now.. yu feel my pain/ everything yu said sound so good to me, but i culdnt help but wonder if its lies/ remember the times yu made love to me? did yu see the hurt in my eyes/ did yu know i was giving my all to yu ? cuz yu damn sure threw it away/ did yu know another nigga culdnt stand tall to yu ? or were yu busy w. other women all day/ one man's trash is another man's treaure, i wish yu knew my worth b4 all of these letters/ one man's pain is another man's pleasure, so he dusted me off && vowed to treat me better/ Hakuna Matata tho, your day is sure to come so baby please hold on/ u'll have to go through alot of hoes b4 finding a queen to sit on ur thrown/ remember that yu will always have a friend in me, whenever, from dusk till dawn/ but the girl who was once madly in love with yu told me to tell yu She's Gone !
They say yu never know what yu got til it's gone. Well baby, "I tried to told ya"/ My love for yu was deep, so I tried to stay strong. But, yu wouldn't let me hold yu/ && all those nights i longed for yu left me w. tears pouring lyke rain/ while i've moved on, the past is haunting yu, so now.. yu feel my pain/ everything yu said sound so good to me, but i culdnt help but wonder if its lies/ remember the times yu made love to me? did yu see the hurt in my eyes/ did yu know i was giving my all to yu ? cuz yu damn sure threw it away/ did yu know another nigga culdnt stand tall to yu ? or were yu busy w. other women all day/ one man's trash is another man's treaure, i wish yu knew my worth b4 all of these letters/ one man's pain is another man's pleasure, so he dusted me off && vowed to treat me better/ Hakuna Matata tho, your day is sure to come so baby please hold on/ u'll have to go through alot of hoes b4 finding a queen to sit on ur thrown/ remember that yu will always have a friend in me, whenever, from dusk till dawn/ but the girl who was once madly in love with yu told me to tell yu She's Gone !
Until Fingers Meet Keys:
She's Gone ! (pt 1)
A letter/poem from my first love
Pain, since i've lost you, i'm lost too/ nigga feeling like he at the bottom like a horseshoe/ sorry for the trouble i put you & your heart through/ God knows i'd do anything for a part two/ prayin for the day you come back sayin you forgive me/ give me another chance im needing it like a kidney/ i dont wanna advance, give me back your hands/ give me back your touch, i dont ask 4 much/ but i fucked up, i know i fucked up, i admit i fucked up/ but everybody fuck up, now this other nigga lucked up/ you were my down bitch, i was yo solider/ i was yo gangsta, you were my shoulder/ you were the pistol to my holster... BANG !
You forgot about the house, you forgot about the ring/ I remember everything. i just wanna hear you sing/ i remember the love right after the fights/ you cant tell me you dont remember those nights/and if i would cry, then you would cry twice/ to me, you are the brightest star under sunlight/ see this is just a nightmare so i blink twice/ open up my eyes, hopin you'll be in my sight/ and i hope that nigga know he got a queen/ and all i can do is dream... Damn !
Until Fingers Meet Keys:
20100612
&& It Finally Hit Me
So the other day I was kinda upset with my boyfriend because a slip up that he made (I won't say exactly what he said because quite frankly ya'll don't need to know all of that.) Anyways what he said truly bothered me and he really didn't understand why. Later that night as I re-capped my day, I realized that I wasn't to sure of why what he said bothered me so much either. I layed up for a couple of hours watching TV && It Finally Hit Me... it all has to do with my father.
As some of you may know I'm not an only child. My half-sister Trina was lucky enough to have me born July 11, EXACTLY 18 years after she was born (Long Story). A couple of years ago her mother passed which led Trina and I to be reunited with [our father] Walter (neither one of us had heard from him since I was 3 months old, obviously she remembers more about him than me). The day that I met him, he decided that it was Trina who he wanted to bond with. At first I thought it was because her mom had just passed, however as time went on I saw that there was more to it.
Never before the day I met my father had he ever called me to wish me a happy birthday, yet for some reason when his birthday came around he called me to ask why I didn't call him. To put the icing on the cake, when my birthday rolled around again I recieved no call, however my sister got a call and a birthday check. I was beyond hurt, I couldn't even make up an excuse for him. It wasn't like he could have forgot, me and her were born on the same date !
To this day my "father" and my sister maintain a wonderful healthy relationship, while I on the other hand, have not heard from him since his birthday. I feel unwanted, like... maybe there's something wrong with me. I really do not understand why he doesn't want to claim me, show me to the world, and act like I'm his daughter and he's my father.
So back to what I started off talking about, I want, have, NEED to be claimed. It bothers me to my core when I'm not, I feel incomplete when I'm not... I need my Daddy. . .
As some of you may know I'm not an only child. My half-sister Trina was lucky enough to have me born July 11, EXACTLY 18 years after she was born (Long Story). A couple of years ago her mother passed which led Trina and I to be reunited with [our father] Walter (neither one of us had heard from him since I was 3 months old, obviously she remembers more about him than me). The day that I met him, he decided that it was Trina who he wanted to bond with. At first I thought it was because her mom had just passed, however as time went on I saw that there was more to it.
Never before the day I met my father had he ever called me to wish me a happy birthday, yet for some reason when his birthday came around he called me to ask why I didn't call him. To put the icing on the cake, when my birthday rolled around again I recieved no call, however my sister got a call and a birthday check. I was beyond hurt, I couldn't even make up an excuse for him. It wasn't like he could have forgot, me and her were born on the same date !
To this day my "father" and my sister maintain a wonderful healthy relationship, while I on the other hand, have not heard from him since his birthday. I feel unwanted, like... maybe there's something wrong with me. I really do not understand why he doesn't want to claim me, show me to the world, and act like I'm his daughter and he's my father.
So back to what I started off talking about, I want, have, NEED to be claimed. It bothers me to my core when I'm not, I feel incomplete when I'm not... I need my Daddy. . .
Until Fingers Meet Keys:
20100505
Promise in the Dark
I don't believe in promises. Simple as that.
The irony in this is that my favorite song of all time is Jagged Edge~ Promise.
The irony in this is that my favorite song of all time is Jagged Edge~ Promise.
Until Fingers Meet Keys:
20100326
Shes A Very Freaky Girl . . .
But who wants to wife her ?
I already banged on the niggas, scoochies (slut/hoochies)... its your turn !
Shaking my head at females these days, because most of them damn sure can't be considered a lady. *Sigh* these lil scoochies are making it so hard for girls who actually want to be classified as a lady.
On twitter it seems like the less clothes that you have on, the more followers you get... the dirtier your SN the more mentions you have. It's so sickening, when I click on your profile I dont want to see your ass, breast, or ill na-na(trust me it's there). Obviously niggas dont have as much of a problem with looking at it, but 9/10 you will not end up the girl he makes his main or his wifey.
See what females fail to understand is the girl who gives it up is nothing but a quick nut. However, there is always an exception to the game, sometimes ol' girl does get cuffed && they have this awesome relationship. But let me be the first to tell you, as soon as it's over, he will have no problem throwing in your face the fact that you were easy.
YES I AM SPEAKING FROM EXPERIENCE ! See I know what its like to have the attention from a nigga that's only attracted to my body or to me sexually. It's all good as long as sex is involved, but once you decide to cut it off what's left for him to hold onto. He doesn't know shit about your personality because thats not what you introduced him to. By this time it's too late to say "Oh, by the way my name is Carmen, I'm a Cancer && my favorite color is purple."
Honestly that life style wasn't for me, I'm a hopeless romantic. && with this change I have met plenty of respectful niggas. Alot of females are quick to holla out "niggas aint shit" but the only reason why girls feel that way is because they're showing niggas that they don't have to be shit to get in they panties.
I already banged on the niggas, scoochies (slut/hoochies)... its your turn !
Shaking my head at females these days, because most of them damn sure can't be considered a lady. *Sigh* these lil scoochies are making it so hard for girls who actually want to be classified as a lady.
On twitter it seems like the less clothes that you have on, the more followers you get... the dirtier your SN the more mentions you have. It's so sickening, when I click on your profile I dont want to see your ass, breast, or ill na-na(trust me it's there). Obviously niggas dont have as much of a problem with looking at it, but 9/10 you will not end up the girl he makes his main or his wifey.
See what females fail to understand is the girl who gives it up is nothing but a quick nut. However, there is always an exception to the game, sometimes ol' girl does get cuffed && they have this awesome relationship. But let me be the first to tell you, as soon as it's over, he will have no problem throwing in your face the fact that you were easy.
YES I AM SPEAKING FROM EXPERIENCE ! See I know what its like to have the attention from a nigga that's only attracted to my body or to me sexually. It's all good as long as sex is involved, but once you decide to cut it off what's left for him to hold onto. He doesn't know shit about your personality because thats not what you introduced him to. By this time it's too late to say "Oh, by the way my name is Carmen, I'm a Cancer && my favorite color is purple."
Honestly that life style wasn't for me, I'm a hopeless romantic. && with this change I have met plenty of respectful niggas. Alot of females are quick to holla out "niggas aint shit" but the only reason why girls feel that way is because they're showing niggas that they don't have to be shit to get in they panties.
Until Fingers Meet Keys:
Beautiful Nightmare
I KNOW the song is old but it doesn't matter to me ! Bare w/ me, I promise there is logic to my madness.
Okay so I'm a big Beyonce fan, love her to death. But I thought she made no sense when she sang the words, "You can be my sweet dreeeeeeam, or a beautiful nightmare, either way I dont wanna wake up from you. . ." I understand the whole sweet dream ordeal, but a beautiful nightmare ? She lost me at that point. Regardless the song was still my Jam Lyke Jelly.
So the other night I had this dream right ? *nod your head && say yea* (lol) I was climbing up this mountain crying && the whole trip to the top there was a voice (not in my head, more like someone behind me) begging me to turn around. Well I'm stubborn so that only made me keep going. When I get to the top I turn around to face the shadow looking person following me. (I have no clue who it was, but you know how you can sense a person of importance in your dreams, well it was kinda like that). Without another word I jumped off of the side of the cliff, but my shirt gets caught on a branch && I fall on a ledge. When I look up to go back I realize that the shadow person had jumped after me... but instead of surviving they hit the ground never to return again.
Then I understood what the song "Beautiful Nightmare" meant. Who ever that person was had so much love for me that they didn't want to live without me. They gave up everything just on the THOUGHT that I would no longer be there with them. THE TRUE MEANING OF A BEAUTIFUL NIGHTMARE.
Okay so I'm a big Beyonce fan, love her to death. But I thought she made no sense when she sang the words, "You can be my sweet dreeeeeeam, or a beautiful nightmare, either way I dont wanna wake up from you. . ." I understand the whole sweet dream ordeal, but a beautiful nightmare ? She lost me at that point. Regardless the song was still my Jam Lyke Jelly.
So the other night I had this dream right ? *nod your head && say yea* (lol) I was climbing up this mountain crying && the whole trip to the top there was a voice (not in my head, more like someone behind me) begging me to turn around. Well I'm stubborn so that only made me keep going. When I get to the top I turn around to face the shadow looking person following me. (I have no clue who it was, but you know how you can sense a person of importance in your dreams, well it was kinda like that). Without another word I jumped off of the side of the cliff, but my shirt gets caught on a branch && I fall on a ledge. When I look up to go back I realize that the shadow person had jumped after me... but instead of surviving they hit the ground never to return again.
Then I understood what the song "Beautiful Nightmare" meant. Who ever that person was had so much love for me that they didn't want to live without me. They gave up everything just on the THOUGHT that I would no longer be there with them. THE TRUE MEANING OF A BEAUTIFUL NIGHTMARE.
Until Fingers Meet Keys:
20100325
Make Up Your Mind !
" I want the money, the money && the cars, the cars && the clothes... the hoes, i suppose" - Drake
This is for the niggas who have obtained all that. Who have already found their way to being "succesful". The ones who are sick && tired of females chasing them for what they have instead of who they are. This is for the niggas who say they want a female who is independent && doesn't always have her hand out. Who gets money the best way they now how. The ones who are doing it big.
This is for yall:
Way more often then not, I hear niggas talking about how its hard to find a female who doesn't have some type of motive. Sadly, this true. It seems to me that if the nigga dont have money, females now-a-days are not trying to mess with him. I understand wanting him to be doing something with his life, but females are starting to expect WAYYY too much. It is not the nigga's responsibilty to keep money in his girl's pocket. He worked (whether it be legitimate or not) for his, so unless he's offering don't think its mandatory to recieve.
BUT why the hell are niggas contradicting themselves?! Don't know what I mean? Here's an example: The end of last year I was talking to this guy, lets just call him Thursday (long funny story behind that name lol). I met him through my bro && he was pretty cool, but I didn't pay him too much attention. N E whooo one day I'm on Facebook && that lil chat thing pops up, basically he's asking me when Imma be his girl. So I let him know that I'm not really feelin him like that, he's just the homie, THATS IT, THATS ALL. This nigga's response was "Why?! I have a Benz && a whole lot of money. You sound dumb passin up a nigga like me!"
Ha! Get your effin minds right ! I'm not the type of female who cares about how much money you make (as long as you're not always begging ME for money), the kind of car you drive (if I like you enough I will gladly hop on the bus w/ you), what kind of clothes you wear ( as long as you wash them regularly) or the phone you have ( just be able to call me). While so many niggas are out there complaining because the keep running into these materialistic females, the second a female turns you down, you go && throw all the material shXt you have in her face. I really need for niggas to make up they mind. Please && thank you !
Until Fingers Meet Keys:
20100324
Who the *CENSORED* is Carmen ? ! ? ! !
I'm pretty sure that most of you have heard me refer to myself as Carmen Le'Nae Brown. Some of you may in actuality think that is my name, while others think I'm insane because you know my real name. Either way I think its about time I let the world (or at least the people who are interested in my blogs) know who this Carmen girl is.
So there's this movie Carmen: A Hip Hopera (2001), && Beyonce Knowles has the leading role of Carmen Brown. Well I loved the seductiveness of Carmen, she was straight forward, a little sexual, && stopped at nothing to get where she wanted to be in life. N E whooo I was watching this w/ one of my cousins && he turns to me && says "You know sometimes you act just like her !" I guess I liked the idea of that.
So there's this movie Carmen: A Hip Hopera (2001), && Beyonce Knowles has the leading role of Carmen Brown. Well I loved the seductiveness of Carmen, she was straight forward, a little sexual, && stopped at nothing to get where she wanted to be in life. N E whooo I was watching this w/ one of my cousins && he turns to me && says "You know sometimes you act just like her !" I guess I liked the idea of that.
As time move forward I thought to my self "Well if this name is gonna stick she's going to need a middle name." How did I come up w/ Le'Nae ? I HAVE NO IDEA ! I guess it just kinda rolled of the tongue.
Back to the big question of who Carmen is. Carmen is my alter ego. She's everything that Keondra (ME!) is afraid to be. Get to know us both though (sounds schizo huh ? lol).
Until Fingers Meet Keys:
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