I Want to Fall

I want to fall so deep that it envelopes all of me from head to toe, not an inch, not a centimeter of me left uncovered. I want to fall so hard that it leaves me scarred, permanently, I don't want to ever get rid of the proof that I've fallen. I want people to look at me and see what has happened to me. I want to inspire others to fall. When I fall I want to fall forever, a never ending fall that is so blissful that I can't help but start my fall all over again. I want to fall into eyes that can see my soul, into a soul that can touch my heart, into a heart that beats for my life, into a life that cherishes my fall. I want to fall a fall that never fails, that never tarnishes, that never breaks. I want to fall knowing that the one I'm falling for is falling too. Even though my passion is to fall long and hard, I know that it will be pain free, a fall that is only meant for me. No one will ever be able to fall the way that I've fallen, it won't measure up, it won't feel the same, the effects of the fall won't set them free. I want to fall in rhythm, to a melody, to a tone, to a beat that matches the one of his heart. I want to fall rapidly, slowly, obliviously, and knowingly. With the passion of a painter who has spotted the perfect muse, the excitement of an artist who just got airplay, the joy of a writer who has just been published. I want the fall to swallow me whole like his oversized sweatshirt, drench me like running in the rain hand in hand without an umbrella, capture me like a snapshot of him kissing me deeply with no remorse. I want the fall to lead to a door that is him, and reveal all that is me. I want to fall... in love.

Until Fingers Meet Keys:

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&& if I let it, you would be the very death of me. Taking every single breath from me, squeezing me, teasing me as the tears roll down my face && wiping them away before they reach my chin. Holding me close when I lay my head on your chest as you mock me within, fighting back your urge to grin. Whispering in my ear "smile, because everything is gonna be okay" as you proceed to sharpen the knife you'll use to stab me w/ the very next day. && oh silly me, I fall in love w/ the beautiful lies you tell, for my backbone has become so frail that even the smallest ounce of truth can crush every part of me. Throw your darts at me, && pull them out tenderly, promise that you'll never hinder me as you chain me to the gates of hell. Remind me that you'll never let me go as you set me off to sail. It's not the dark that I'm afraid, but what's visible in the light, our issues go unnoticed when the day turns to night. && even then peaceful moments turn into fights. && yet this is what I live for, the times where you reach out for my hands && slam my fingers in the door. Screaming at the top of your lungs that you love me, but proving w/ your actions that you hate me more. It's amazing that I can live like this, wrapped up in such a hideous bliss, refusing to let go, refusing to accept all that I know. Sweet love you can be so bitter, very much so an acquired taste, tell me that if I give up now it wouldn't make me a quitter, because my heart is growing tired running in this race. Tell me that if I leave today, tomorrow you'll still remember my face. && if I stay, show me that all my love isn't going to waste. && this is what I dream for, reality speaks blaspheme && loneliness chases after me. In my dreams I can live out my fantasy, pretend as though everything you say is true, looking at gray skies but seeing them blue, laughing at the world because I'm the only thing that matters to you. Oh the agony of waking up, the stress it causes to believe you're moving forward but realize you've been doing nothing but backing up. Were we ever suppose to make it this far ? When did we stop wishing on shooting stars ? && when did you let go of my hand ? && Why didn't you tell me that this is how we would end ?

Until Fingers Meet Keys: