She's Gone ! (pt 2)

*Takes a deep breath && sighs*

They say yu never know what yu got til it's gone. Well baby, "I tried to told ya"/ My love for yu was deep, so I tried to stay strong. But, yu wouldn't let me hold yu/ && all those nights i longed for yu left me w. tears pouring lyke rain/ while i've moved on, the past is haunting yu, so now.. yu feel my pain/ everything yu said sound so good to me, but i culdnt help but wonder if its lies/ remember the times yu made love to me? did yu see the hurt in my eyes/ did yu know i was giving my all to yu ? cuz yu damn sure threw it away/ did yu know another nigga culdnt stand tall to yu ? or were yu busy w. other women all day/ one man's trash is another man's treaure, i wish yu knew my worth b4 all of these letters/ one man's pain is another man's pleasure, so he dusted me off && vowed to treat me better/ Hakuna Matata tho, your day is sure to come so baby please hold on/ u'll have to go through alot of hoes b4 finding a queen to sit on ur thrown/ remember that yu will always have a friend in me, whenever, from dusk till dawn/ but the girl who was once madly in love with yu told me to tell yu She's Gone !

Until Fingers Meet Keys:

She's Gone ! (pt 1)

A letter/poem from my first love

Pain, since i've lost you, i'm lost too/ nigga feeling like he at the bottom like a horseshoe/ sorry for the trouble i put you & your heart through/ God knows i'd do anything for a part two/ prayin for the day you come back sayin you forgive me/ give me another chance im needing it like a kidney/ i dont wanna advance, give me back your hands/ give me back your touch, i dont ask 4 much/ but i fucked up, i know i fucked up, i admit i fucked up/ but everybody fuck up, now this other nigga lucked up/ you were my down bitch, i was yo solider/ i was yo gangsta, you were my shoulder/ you were the pistol to my holster... BANG !
You forgot about the house, you forgot about the ring/ I remember everything. i just wanna hear you sing/ i remember the love right after the fights/ you cant tell me you dont remember those nights/and if i would cry, then you would cry twice/ to me, you are the brightest star under sunlight/ see this is just a nightmare so i blink twice/ open up my eyes, hopin you'll be in my sight/ and i hope that nigga know he got a queen/ and all i can do is dream... Damn !

Until Fingers Meet Keys:

&& It Finally Hit Me

So the other day I was kinda upset with my boyfriend because a slip up that he made (I won't say exactly what he said because quite frankly ya'll don't need to know all of that.) Anyways what he said truly bothered me and he really didn't understand why. Later that night as I re-capped my day, I realized that I wasn't to sure of why what he said bothered me so much either. I layed up for a couple of hours watching TV && It Finally Hit Me... it all has to do with my father.

As some of you may know I'm not an only child. My half-sister Trina was lucky enough to have me born July 11, EXACTLY 18 years after she was born (Long Story). A couple of years ago her mother passed which led Trina and I to be reunited with [our father] Walter (neither one of us had heard from him since I was 3 months old, obviously she remembers more about him than me). The day that I met him, he decided that it was Trina who he wanted to bond with. At first I thought it was because her mom had just passed, however as time went on I saw that there was more to it.

Never before the day I met my father had he ever called me to wish me a happy birthday, yet for some reason when his birthday came around he called me to ask why I didn't call him. To put the icing on the cake, when my birthday rolled around again I recieved no call, however my sister got a call and a birthday check. I was beyond hurt, I couldn't even make up an excuse for him. It wasn't like he could have forgot, me and her were born on the same date !

To this day my "father" and my sister maintain a wonderful healthy relationship, while I on the other hand, have not heard from him since his birthday. I feel unwanted, like... maybe there's something wrong with me. I really do not understand why he doesn't want to claim me, show me to the world, and act like I'm his daughter and he's my father.

So back to what I started off talking about, I want, have, NEED to be claimed. It bothers me to my core when I'm not, I feel incomplete when I'm not... I need my Daddy. . .

Until Fingers Meet Keys:

Promise in the Dark

I don't believe in promises. Simple as that.

The irony in this is that my favorite song of all time is Jagged Edge~ Promise.

Until Fingers Meet Keys:

Shes A Very Freaky Girl . . .

But who wants to wife her ?

I already banged on the niggas, scoochies (slut/hoochies)... its your turn !

Shaking my head at females these days, because most of them damn sure can't be considered a lady. *Sigh* these lil scoochies are making it so hard for girls who actually want to be classified as a lady.

On twitter it seems like the less clothes that you have on, the more followers you get... the dirtier your SN the more mentions you have. It's so sickening, when I click on your profile I dont want to see your ass, breast, or ill na-na(trust me it's there). Obviously niggas dont have as much of a problem with looking at it, but 9/10 you will not end up the girl he makes his main or his wifey.

See what females fail to understand is the girl who gives it up is nothing but a quick nut. However, there is always an exception to the game, sometimes ol' girl does get cuffed && they have this awesome relationship. But let me be the first to tell you, as soon as it's over, he will have no problem throwing in your face the fact that you were easy.

YES I AM SPEAKING FROM EXPERIENCE ! See I know what its like to have the attention from a nigga that's only attracted to my body or to me sexually. It's all good as long as sex is involved, but once you decide to cut it off what's left for him to hold onto. He doesn't know shit about your personality because thats not what you introduced him to. By this time it's too late to say "Oh, by the way my name is Carmen, I'm a Cancer && my favorite color is purple."

Honestly that life style wasn't for me, I'm a hopeless romantic. && with this change I have met plenty of respectful niggas. Alot of females are quick to holla out "niggas aint shit" but the only reason why girls feel that way is because they're showing niggas that they don't have to be shit to get in they panties.

Until Fingers Meet Keys:

Beautiful Nightmare

I KNOW the song is old but it doesn't matter to me ! Bare w/ me, I promise there is logic to my madness.

Okay so I'm a big Beyonce fan, love her to death. But I thought she made no sense when she sang the words, "You can be my sweet dreeeeeeam, or a beautiful nightmare, either way I dont wanna wake up from you. . ." I understand the whole sweet dream ordeal, but a beautiful nightmare ? She lost me at that point. Regardless the song was still my Jam Lyke Jelly.

So the other night I had this dream right ? *nod your head && say yea* (lol) I was climbing up this mountain crying && the whole trip to the top there was a voice (not in my head, more like someone behind me) begging me to turn around. Well I'm stubborn so that only made me keep going. When I get to the top I turn around to face the shadow looking person following me. (I have no clue who it was, but you know how you can sense a person of importance in your dreams, well it was kinda like that). Without another word I jumped off of the side of the cliff, but my shirt gets caught on a branch && I fall on a ledge. When I look up to go back I realize that the shadow person had jumped after me... but instead of surviving they hit the ground never to return again.

Then I understood what the song "Beautiful Nightmare" meant. Who ever that person was had so much love for me that they didn't want to live without me. They gave up everything just on the THOUGHT that I would no longer be there with them. THE TRUE MEANING OF A BEAUTIFUL NIGHTMARE.

Until Fingers Meet Keys:

Make Up Your Mind !

" I want the money, the money && the cars, the cars && the clothes... the hoes, i suppose" - Drake

This is for the niggas who have obtained all that. Who have already found their way to being "succesful". The ones who are sick && tired of females chasing them for what they have instead of who they are. This is for the niggas who say they want a female who is independent && doesn't always have her hand out. Who gets money the best way they now how. The ones who are doing it big.

This is for yall:

Way more often then not, I hear niggas talking about how its hard to find a female who doesn't have some type of motive. Sadly, this true. It seems to me that if the nigga dont have money, females now-a-days are not trying to mess with him. I understand wanting him to be doing something with his life, but females are starting to expect WAYYY too much. It is not the nigga's responsibilty to keep money in his girl's pocket. He worked (whether it be legitimate or not) for his, so unless he's offering don't think its mandatory to recieve.

BUT why the hell are niggas contradicting themselves?! Don't know what I mean? Here's an example: The end of last year I was talking to this guy, lets just call him Thursday (long funny story behind that name lol). I met him through my bro && he was pretty cool, but I didn't pay him too much attention. N E whooo one day I'm on Facebook && that lil chat thing pops up, basically he's asking me when Imma be his girl. So I let him know that I'm not really feelin him like that, he's just the homie, THATS IT, THATS ALL. This nigga's response was "Why?! I have a Benz && a whole lot of money. You sound dumb passin up a nigga like me!"

Ha! Get your effin minds right ! I'm not the type of female who cares about how much money you make (as long as you're not always begging ME for money), the kind of car you drive (if I like you enough I will gladly hop on the bus w/ you), what kind of clothes you wear ( as long as you wash them regularly) or the phone you have ( just be able to call me). While so many niggas are out there complaining because the keep running into these materialistic females, the second a female turns you down, you go && throw all the material shXt you have in her face. I really need for niggas to make up they mind. Please && thank you !

Until Fingers Meet Keys:

Who the *CENSORED* is Carmen ? ! ? ! !

I'm pretty sure that most of you have heard me refer to myself as Carmen Le'Nae Brown. Some of you may in actuality think that is my name, while others think I'm insane because you know my real name. Either way I think its about time I let the world (or at least the people who are interested in my blogs) know who this Carmen girl is.



So there's this movie Carmen: A Hip Hopera (2001), && Beyonce Knowles has the leading role of Carmen Brown. Well I loved the seductiveness of Carmen, she was straight forward, a little sexual, && stopped at nothing to get where she wanted to be in life. N E whooo I was watching this w/ one of my cousins && he turns to me && says "You know sometimes you act just like her !" I guess I liked the idea of that.

As time move forward I thought to my self "Well if this name is gonna stick she's going to need a middle name." How did I come up w/ Le'Nae ? I HAVE NO IDEA ! I guess it just kinda rolled of the tongue.



Back to the big question of who Carmen is. Carmen is my alter ego. She's everything that Keondra (ME!) is afraid to be. Get to know us both though (sounds schizo huh ? lol).

Until Fingers Meet Keys: